Wants over Shoulds

Cultivating Desire-Driven Actions

Removing "should" from your self-talk teaches you how to use the word "want."

> “I really should meditate” becomes “I really want to have a meditation practice.”

Wants connect you with the desires behind your injunctions. Shoulds imply that you lowkey don’t want the thing, but maybe it’s good for you.

When you speak to yourself in shoulds, you rely on obligation to move you forward. This is bad fuel for getting things done. Desire is more powerful and fun. 

Obligation always crowds out desire. They are immiscible states, like oil and water.

Moving from shoulds to wants will also show you when you don’t want something. Sometimes you’ll find it hard to frame a task in terms of a want. That might be a clue that you don’t actually want it.

In general, it’s hard to know what to want. People tend to outsource their desires to others (see René Girard).

Having a unique impact on the world requires you to stay true to your own principles. Moving away from “shoulds” helps with this.

Practice: For one week, try catching yourself whenever you use the word “should”. Every time you do, try the sentence again with the word “want.”